So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
