I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
