you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
