Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
