i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
