put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
