i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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