the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I checked into jail on foursquare
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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