Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
