i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
