drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You smell like stripper and shame
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
