Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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