Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize