Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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