Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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