By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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