I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
