His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize