Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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