do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
