In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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