Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
