I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
