It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
