Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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