Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
