So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
