4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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