Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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