Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize