Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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