Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
