i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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