if only i could text you this smell
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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