I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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