You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
