Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
