i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
