from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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