No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
