Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
