I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
