Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
