She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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