did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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