were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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