oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
