her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
