Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
