At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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