So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
