I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
