Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
