don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
