Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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