dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
