community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
