hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
