He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
