You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
