Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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