i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
