I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
a search helicopter?!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize