She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
