we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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