OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
